Nerves

I'm speaking in church on Sunday. Along with some of my favorite, fabulous women. We're speaking about camp - the good, the bad and the spiritual.

I'm telling myself to combat the nerves and enjoy the ride. What do you do for nerves?

And would you like to come sit in and offer some moral support? Email me. I'd love it if you could. Mormons don't bite, promise. Even the vampire obsessed ones.

Of course writing about camp is causing me to reminisce about the good times we had.

The seriously? face.

Laughter. Belly-hurting, tear-inducing laughter.

Making an absolute fool of myself.

Patriotic

Some red.

Some white and blue.

And a 25-year-old smile in the sun. White face, red lips, just being patriotic, no?

This weekend

I hope you enjoy your Independence Day weekend.

This weekend I become a quarter of a century old.

I love all things fruit and summer right now. I hate June gloom and last week I wore a skirt everyday to "will" summer here. I watch Gilmore Girls at least once a week while taking a bubble bath. On occasion I am plagued with carpal tunnel, tennis elbow and a shoulder sprain.

All at the same time. I'm also developing a love for acupressure.

I love my puppy and husband.

I am stressed but I feel accomplished.

I cannot sit still. I mean I love to sit still, but I'm navigating the work full-time, school part-time, victims advocate, Young Women leader world, I'm loving every minute.

So I don't know why I can't stop listening to this song by The Band Perry. Husband isn't a fan - says it is morbid - but I find it so peaceful.

Funny, when I was a depressed teen, I used to think I'd never make it past 25. It is written in my journals.

But I can't imagine stopping now.

New project

A blog is not a journal. I cringe when I hear that.

Now, I say that, but I know it may be for some. I however have deep dark thoughts and things I just don't want the Internet to read. Lest people think I am crazy. I tend to analyze things to death, to elevate, to need to rehash.

Since year eight, I've kept a journal. In high school it was pink and fuzzy, in college it was striped. I like lists too. One journal has a list of "everything I'm going to do as a parent that my parents didn't" and another has a 10-page long list of "red flags I missed before my first marriage." Ahh, hindsight.

My journaling has kind of dwindled though. I think it ends with "I think I'm in love with Adam..."

I treasure them though. I read them on occasion and love seeing where I've grown, my past perspectives. Also. I'm Mormon, it is like a requirement or something.

“Let us then continue on in this important work of recording the things we do, the things we say, the things we think, to be in accordance with the instructions of the Lord. . . We hope that you will do this, our brothers and sisters, for this is what the Lord has commanded. Those who keep a journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. . . Journals are a way of counting our blessings and of leaving an inventory of these blessings for our posterity. . . Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children, and others throughout the generations.” Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 349-351.

Writing on the Internet, any time any where, fits me. So I privatized my Posterous. I love Posterous because it is so easy to post - just send an email and its posted. Photos can be attached with an email attachment.

I thought about just keeping a Google Doc, but sometimes docs I create online disappear and that's frustrating.

I could have done this with any other blog format too - but I wasn't liking where my Posterous was going anyway. I started it as a way to track professional-related thoughts.... but blogging about work stuff just isn't my thing.

So here we go, new project. I remember when a bishop once told me to record "only the good stuff" so my children would read and be uplifted. But that doesn't help anyone. I think we should record our trials. Loved this quote too.

“Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available. Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. Your journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them.” (”President Kimball Speaks Out on Personal Journals,” New Era, Dec. 1980, 26)

Here's to better tracking my life for me and future kiddos. If they'd even ever care to read it.

Goal Roundup

Today is March forth! Get it? OK, so it isn't a shocking realization but I thought it was a perfect day to do a goal roundup.

How did you do on your goals for February? My February goals were:

• Stay caught up on my homework and not my Google Reader updates. Realize this is part of learning how to make the transition to student.
• Check out the USD gym and classes. Wave at it. Possibly go inside.
• Go for a walk every Sunday with husband and puppy. Hold hands. Catch up on life. I did this once, husbandless. But we went like 2.5 miles. 
• Research the difficulty of creating a 501c3 nonprofit… I got so many ideas after visiting Break the Cycle (and having six hours of drive time to myself) nope. But I need to write down my ideas because I have more. 
• Blog about being feminist and Mormon. After telling people about this fabulous snacker, I got many questions.Blogged a lot about being Mormon, but not being a feminist. 
• Not call in sick – I am almost out of personal days for the year! I will of course call in if I get sick, but I am trying to stay healthy. Vacation days are too precious.

I'm calling it a success.

March Goals:

• Decorate for Easter
• Have an amazing time with my husband on our first couple trip to Seattle. 
• Write down my thoughts regarding a 501(3)
• Carrying over writing about being Mormon and feminist
• Sort the holiday decorations. I bought plastic bins for them. This will be a major success. 
• Pull off a amazing New Beginnings, keep up my work outs, a service project for my MBA class, be a wife, see friends and pass my accounting test and enjoy it all. 

What are your goals for the month?

Also, a fun video that channels Alice in Wonderland (at least that's what I think when I see it) and I am loving the chick's hair.

Recapping the two-oh-oh-nine

What did we ever decide to call this decade anyway? The O's? That is my favorite cereal. Seriously, if you haven't tried it, do. I got my entire girls camp hooked. I have husband hooked. It is amazing.

But whatever we'll look back on this decade for, it has been an interesting one. The last year was no exception, though I would probably rank it among the lesser tumultuous. Marriage is at a comfortable point for me. San Diego is comfortable finally. My church duties are fab. Scary - because usually when you get comfortable, crazy stuff starts happening. I guess that is why I'm throwing in school.

The year in review:

January I made New Years Resolutions. I watched our country inaugurate Barack Obama. I explained to 12-year-olds that night why it was such a big deal – without trying to get political. I went to Utah. My puppy celebrated her first birthday. I took up knitting, but then my wrist/elbow/neck sprain drove me crazy. So I still have a quarter length scarf.

February: I caved into the facebook trend and wrote “25 Things About Me.” We celebrated Valentines Day. I went to my first tweetup. Mostly what I remember about February is being stressed to lose my job and working really hard. Awesome, no?

March: I started a GMAT prep course. We bought a Dyson. Best. Appliance. Purchase. EVER. I still think so. On the blog front, I did my first giveaway ever. We drove to Utah for a wedding. We saw friends. I shopped. It was fun.

April: My mom came to visit. I walked through the flower fields. Decided that was a mandatory tradition. I went sailing for the first time, that was awesome. Miss California gained my approval and then quickly my disapproval. Husband built me more room in the closet (it has only fallen four times since). We hit up the Little Italy Art Walk. I watched all of the High School Musical movies. I went to my first beach bonfire.

May: The pug went to the Pug Rescue’s Pug Party and had fun. Then the pug had a reaction to her medicine and went to the Emergency Vet. I went to Utah. I started going to the temple more. On the blog front, I did my second giveaway and started reviewing books for Atria Books.

June: I took the GMAT. I didn’t do so hot on the GMAT. I cried. I hired a tutor. We upgraded our photography equipment to a DSLR. I hiked Torrey Pines as prep for Girls Camp. And then I went to Girls Camp. We went to Las Vegas for a family reunion. MJ died. So did Farrah Fawcett.

July: My birthday. My mom came. We decided to start saving for Paris. I took the GMAT again. I didn’t do so hot. I moved on. I started cooking asparagus in an effort to branch out. That’s as far as I’ve branched thus far. The in-laws visited, along with our cute nieces. We celebrated anniversary number two.

August: We went to Hawaii. Husband started his last year of law school. Husband also turned 30. We became excited for this. On the blog front, my blog celebrated its second anniversary. Giveaway number three happened.

September: I thought it was stupid people didn’t want the president to speak to school kids. I made a flower bouquet from onesies. I won a pass to Blogworld and was elated. ELATED. I put grad school plans on hold – and then took them off hold.

October: We went to the symphony. I got a flu shot but not an H1N1 shot because they were out. My family came to visit. I went to Blogworld. It was awesome. Saw Lady Antebellum. On the blog front, I started hosting giveaways for Domestic Violence Awareness month. And by chance I’ve continued to host giveaways since. Oh, and I started using a bouncy ball as my desk chair. I think they are called exercise balls but I just bounce.

November: We got our photos taken. We went to Julian with some great friends. We were going to go to Utah for Thanksgiving, but changed our plans. I submitted my application for an MBA program. Stayed here and went to the zoo instead. Confession: it was nice to stay in one place and catch up on some sleep. We started celebrating the holidays early – saw the lighting of the tree at Seaport Village and had our decorations up before the month was out.

December: We went to the Pug Rescue Christmas Party. Our Church Christmas Party. Our friends’ Christmas party. We made a gingerbread house. We got our festive on. We went to Utah for the holidays. Oh, and I was accepted into USD's Masters of Business Administration program.

It was a good year.

My geek gift list

Things my inner-geek wants for Christmas. I would hope that it is geek chic, but who knows? Sometimes when I start talking to people about twitter and HTML. I see their eyes glaze over and then I know that I'm no longer cool. But luckily I'm not alone in my geek speak ways. I know there are people just like me. This year was a great year for meeting people just like that.

So this is what the geek in me wants someday. Not for Christmas necessarily but for someday.

An initial pendant made from an old typewriter key. From Etsy Shop QACreate. The N is sold out for now, but they cost $25.

A Flip camera, so I can take easy video anytime. I used to have one when I worked at the newspaper and they are awesome. Now they are customizable. Price varies, depending on model. Our recent purchase of video editing software and upcoming trips make it seem like a perfect fit.

A USB Comb. To cut down on items needed for the purse, and of course look really cool among my techy, fellow geeky friends. $35.99

Whimsical Magnet Board in Wild Thyme Fabric - Large (13x18), $30 from Etsy shop steeldreamingdesigns. I want to be able to put all my ideas on the board. Instead of files and random post-its. It would look cute in our bedroom, even if it was cluttered.

Happy Halloween

See, I really was a witch. This is quality, ripped-from-the-scrapbook proof. Thanks mom.

May your memories be scrapbook worthy this weekend.

Can you guess?

There has got to be a facebook personality quiz somewhere on what your froyo says about you.

As for now, everytime I stare at husband's and my yogurt, I can't help but think how different but similar they are. Any guesses on which belongs to who?

Compilation one:

Lemon lime tart base

Wild berry/tart swirl

Topped with: Kiwi, blueberry, cheesecake bites and a whole lotta fruity pebbles

Compliation two:

Lemon lime tart base

Wild Berry

Tart

Strawberry tart

Topped with Strawberries and mangoes

Year two: Self portrait

A year ago, I bought a domain name and changed the blog name. The biggest accomplishment I've made in the past year was to not change my blog name again. And again.

Just kidding. I think I've done some good stuff. (I'm kind of in a downer phase right now, but hopefully it passes and I'll be all "wahoo! My blog has holidays! Let's recelebrate now that I feel better!" It happens)

I heart blogging. I love the ability to record memories. I love being able to spill my heart. Thank you Al Gore -- he did invent the Internet, right? -- for allowing me to bare it all to the world. Thanks also for helping me find friends - reconnecting with old ones, staying in touch with loved ones and meeting new ones.

When I first started, it was all "yay, we're newlyweds!" but now, I really enjoy having a moment to write. I carry a notebook with me and jot down the thoughts. Its rejuvenating to read. And inspiring to know that some friends read too.

Even when blogging isn't trendy anymore, I don't think I'll stop. Wait, maybe I will, I like being trendy. Here's to another indecisive year.

Oh, and people always ask me about the ads. Really, they don't make too much. But when I do get a check, I ask hubs if I can quit and be a pro blogger. He always says no. But I do enjoy having some extra cash to put in the Paris fund or go out to dinner, so the ads stay. I don't think I'm a sellout, I like to think it is sustaining my itsy bitsy writing career while I pursue other venues.

Probably reading too much into it

Heard this song while driving around and the comparisons of dead flowers in a vase or burned out Christmas lights seemed like the best metaphor of depression I'd ever heard. Like something that should be vibrant but isn't.



How the boyfriend in the song is all "today's beautiful" and she's seeing everything wrong.

Yeah, I'm probably giving Ms. Lambert way too much credit, but I think that's what depression does - makes you hyperanalyze things.

At least for me.

Fish Oil: Let the gagging begin

We have started taking fish oil. It is so gross. I can't take it without gagging at least once -- and following the dose with something really good.

But the benefits are supposedly amazing, hence why we started.

Fish oil can help prevent heart disease, which runs in both my husband and I's family.

It can help reduce inflammation and joint problems, which I'm hoping will help my achy hands.

It can even help lower your risk of macular degeneration in your later years (though they say more study is needed) and I could likely be a carrier of that gene.

We're doing the cod liver oil route as opposed to the salmon route because cod liver oil has more nutrients -- and if I'm going to gag down this crap, then I'm going to go all the way. They do say the extra vitamin D isn't necessary for residents of Southern California because supposedly they get sunshine. But I spend the majority of my days trapped in a windowless cubicle, so I think I could benefit.

Also, the desire to go all the way is why we're going the liquid route - it is easier for your body to absorb the liquid.

The crazy things we do to be healthy. Sometimes I just want to eat a carton of ice cream and call it good. But I've been doing really well at eating healthy - well, except for my birthday - and I want to continue that.

24 started right

As birthdays go, this one is on top of the list. It may just beat out the vintage 1880s birthday party at the Lion House that featured a taffy pull. Which I did twice - for 8 and 12.

Caution - mucho picture heavy post.

Breakfast started the day at DZ Akins - a Jewish owned bakery and deli with photos of celebs plastered all over the wall. And a jar of pickles at the table. A jar of pickles! So weird.

Note to self: this is what I looked like at 24 with no make up, no shower, no nothing. In 10 years will I be jealous or will some anti aging cream do wonders to that skin tone?

I told the waitress it was my birthday and she brought me a cupcake. It was so cute. I can't remember the last time I did that.

After a mound of French Toast, we were exhausted. So we napped. I think as long as I can remember, I've napped on my birthday. Gotten up for a parade or to watch the 5K run that went by my house (to cheer for passers by) and then napped. The beauty of birth on a holiday, I suppose.

When we woke up, Husband built my present. A nightstand. So I can keep my mouthguard, Excedrin and hand braces in there. Really, its a present for him so he doesn't have to retrieve things in the middle of the night.

But the biggest surprise of the day, was the birthday party husband hosted for me. I've never ever had a birthday party on my birthday. Everyone is always too busy on July 4 - which is cool, but its also awkward to show up to other people's barbecue's and be all "its my birthday!" feed me meat.

Ah, social anxieties.

As an adult, I realized that I'm the type of person that could never throw a birthday party for myself out of fear that I have no friends and no one would show up (am I alone, please say no?)

So when husband emailed me Tuesday saying people were coming over and celebrating with us, I couldn't believe it. I was so touched and felt so blessed to have a hubsy that wants to realize my dreams. He even made an evite. I've still never seen it - but he tells me it exists.

I blew out all the candles at once. All 24. Heck yes I'm documenting that. I was intimidated. I almost started blowing them out before people sang - and we didn't turn out the lights, I hope my wish comes true.

A "Wild Side SNUGGIE!" Awesome. No seriously, ever since, I've been yelling "snugggeeee"
Husband said "no gifts," but all week I was touched by how sweet friends have been. My mom flew here, flowers, work friends gave me gifts, a friend baked the quad-layer ice cream and chocolate and mousse cake.

It makes me want to be more generous in my gift giving. I don't think I am generous enough.

We topped the evening off with fireworks. I love fireworks. I did my best to shoot the fireworks with the new SLR. I had no clue, but I think this one turned out OK. Whatev, we've all seen fireworks. They are splendid, aren't they? I look forward to them all year long.

Its my birthday!

I'm 24 now.

As of 3:19 a.m.

Whatever this next year brings, its going to be good.

I'm hoping for less wet hair buns, but you never know.

Have an incredibly fabulous weekend, on me

Photo

When I was little, my momma used to tell me the fireworks were just for me.

Sometimes seeing those bright, celebratory lights, I believed it. I'm a big lover of birthdays, you see.

Sometimes, I still believe it. Shh, don't tell. Besides, my birthday cake was always traded for barbecue anyway, so a girl has got to have something, no?

Enjoy the weekend. And enjoy being a part of what our great country is about. No, not the flame-ridden streets - but the freedom to be a part of something, and the freedom to have our family close. The freedom to believe what we want and yet to all be united.

Worth a thousand words

I saw this picture when I was uploading our date night photos -- and remembered pulling, er squeezing, on those jeans. And realized I wasn't looking quite the same. Face is rounder. I hate the way my neck pokes out like that and my posture is so awful. I hate that I totally have a gut.

I asked husband if he'd seen it and gave him permission to be honest. He was. He said he had.

Yay for honest husbands. Who placed that I asked that question on his "gchat" status the next day. Er, not yay. Opposite of yay.

"The problem is honey, you eat everything in sight," Husband said in the kindest way possible.

But he's a good man and as the cliche saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Conclusion: I've gained weight.

Look, I know I'm not obese, but the thing that drives me crazy is that I don't even look like me to me.

I went off Topamax, my migraine medication, recently, and I didn't realize how much of an impact it makes on my ability to retain the food I eat. Apparently it does. I may go back on it after the GMAT -- the medication just makes me feel so spaced out. I get migraines at least once a week and sometimes twice. But I don't want to just take a drug that makes me lose weight, and husband says I don't seem so ditzy lately. So its a tossup.

I'm going to start tracking in SparkPeople. It tells me to eat 1,200 calories a day. Which after I started tracking for a few days, I realized that leaves no room for ice cream with all the other things I manage to eat.

But you don't understand, I really really really like ice cream. It makes me feel better after a bad day. Some people drink alcohol, I have chocolate chip cookie dough. That would be the other problem. I totally self medicate any sad feelings by eating. Ice cream is my euphoria but several other foods get into the mix as well, and 25 pounds later...

I like the charts on SparkPeople, that it evaluates you at the end of the day and tells you to eat less carbs tomorrow. I like that its free. Not exactly user friendly -- though there is an iphone app apparently that might make things easier, if I had an iphone. Its also really slow on my work computer, but what can you do? (answer: work instead of SparkPeople it up)

See this spike below? That's when I realized that eating a bacon covered pork loin and a cheeseburger in the same night was a bad idea. One was for dinner and one was at a Young Womens activity. But I didn't really think about it until I entered it in. I was congratulating myself for staying away from the Chips Ahoy and Ding Dongs.

So, that's my plan and I'm sticking to it. These thoughts might be kind of random, weight is a tuffy, awkward issue to talk about, isn't it?

Stalking safely

Oh the things I learn from blogging --

As in -- so many of my friends are crazy talented moms, cooks, seamstresses, decorators, professionals, etc. 

Or...

...that my friend from college married a guy that made her sister-in-laws with a friend of a friend I used to work with at a restaurant. (five degrees, but promise it sounds closer. Promise there was an aha! moment)

...and my friend in DC has a friend who knows my friend in San Diego's sister-in-law. (four degrees)

I'm always so bummed when I check in on friends from high school or college and they post "I'm going private!" 

I don't know if it is for the safety from creeps or from me. Whoops. 

Is there a proper blog-ettiquette time frame of how long it has been since one has talked in real life to when you can ask for an invite? If you are facebook friends, does that count for anything these days?  

That said - net danger is no joke. I liked Daren of Problogger's post about Personal Safety for Bloggers, and his story of what happened when he felt at risk. 

Just call me captain

Yesterday I crossed an item off of my San Diego bucket list. We went sailing with Adam's law school yacht club. I've never been in a sailboat before. It was incredible to let the wind power the boat. When it wasn't blowing, we were slow. Then suddenly, it would pick up. 

Steering the boat required teamwork. We picked up on starboard and port -- though generally "push it toward you and away from you" worked better. We gazed at other ships much bigger than us and dreamed of being rich. The day was absolutely beautiful -- so many shades of blue. It was relaxing. It was super fun. 

Suddenly the wind would blow and we'd have to pick things up in order to catch it. The boat would lean, knocking us off our feet -- but at that exact time was when we needed to work -- pushing the rudder thing forward and moving the sails. It was a fight to stand up. 

Of course once I got home, the magic kind of wore off. One -- just one -- of my knees was sunburned, there were practice essays for the GMAT to write and I realized how full this week is with a big church event and lots of overtime for work.

I couldn't help but think about how sometimes we're pulled in all directions and just when we want to sit down, those are the times when we must stand tall. Those are the times when we have to grab that rudder thing and steer through, no matter the resistance that we feel. 

After all, we're the masters of our fate, the captains of our souls (Invictus)

Though for the record, I was not by any means captain of our boat. More like the fun loving wife of the law student that was happy to come along. 

 

Dusk is candlelit

Mondays are my night. I come home, light candles and watch the daylight fade to dusk to dark. I might take a bubble bath. I love it.

Today, I am a featured reader on La Dolce Vita. If you are stopping over from La Dolce -- hello. 

Being featured means I'm entered into a contest to win a fabulous necklace from Kristen's Custom Creations -- but I need your comments to count me in. And don't worry, the competitive spirit in me says oh, I must do that then -- so if I win, I promise to host a fabulous giveaway. Though it won't be too fabulous because Blogher just capped the giveaway-ing at $20.

The amazing thing about Kristen is she really is great about Internet marketing. I see her stuff everywhere -- it's always popping up. Her "Tweet" necklace is really popular and I'm in love with it -- but since people already walk by my cubicle saying "tweet tweet," I must break out of the shell. 

Instead, I've got my eye on the "follow your dreams" necklace because my mom always inspired me to do just that. It's gotten me in trouble a few times -- but hey, what's a few stubbed toes if not a little extra padding in the long run? 

Smile

I must journal this

In sunday school yesterday, I played with my pal's baby.

It started to cry. I got scared. But then I held it up to my face.

We made eye contact, and that baby looked right at me and smiled the biggest fattest smile.

Oh my goodness -- I think I got it. I think I got what everyone keeps talking about.

When we got home, I asked Adam if he saw my moment.

"Yeah, honey, and now you're going to start asking me for a baby, aren't you?"