Puberty really did a number on me. When I was in seventh grade, all of a sudden I started to hate myself. No longer a girl, I started to fill out in unpleasant ways. I remember when I realized how I started to look different than the other girls in my class. They were still all legs and no chest and fresh faced. Meanwhile, I was all hips and thighs and pimpled.

After a particularly bad day of self-loathing, I locked myself in the bathroom at home and cried. Why was I being punished? Why did I morph into this hippy, tubby woman-ish person while all my friends seemed to avoid this stage of life?

Oh, how I hated myself. All I could see was an ugly, pimple-faced girl with a bad haircut and thunder thighs. And it pained me how my peers could eat piece after piece of pizza in the cafeteria while I ate rice cakes knowing that if I ate a piece of pizza it would go straight to my hips.

It was a sad couple of years while puberty had its way with me. But my persistent personality worked for me, and I learned to negotiate my new body. By the time I entered my freshman year of high school, I was doing better. My metabolism seemed to work out its kinks, I was exercising, I was eating healthfully. No, I could not feast on pizza and ice cream like still many of my peers. But I could have a treat every now and then.

Then I went to college. While my healthy lifestyle served me well and kept off the dreaded Freshman 15, I suffered another blow to my self-esteem. Adult acne. The stress of classes and keeping up and taking care of myself showed on my face. This was even worse than middle school. My poor face exploded with red, angry zits that formed mean clusters all over my chin and cheeks. I remember going to the bathroom one day in between classes and glancing at the mirror and seeing a newly formed outbreak popping up all over my right cheek. I sat in the stall and choked back tears wondering when I would ever be beautiful.

Turns out, adult acne is common among the college set. I went to student health one day for a sinus infection, and the sweet doctor asked me if she could help me with my face, too. I could have kissed that woman. So I tried a couple different regimes and worked hard to keep my acne at bay.

And that worked out well. Until a couple years later after I got married and my husband and I learned we were expecting our first baby. I knew most acne meds and pregnancy did not mix, so I stopped taking the drugs and said que sera sera. Well, pregnancy did wonders for my skin and hair. But at the end of my pregnancy after my sweet healthy baby was born, I was left with a saggy stomach, my hair started falling out, and some acne came back.

Ugh! Can’t a girl catch a break?

I hoped that I would “fall in love” with my new body as some proclaim. That I would find beauty in my new look. Well, I didn’t and I don’t. However, I am learning a lesson about beauty. At each stage and phase of life, we have some sort of cross to bear, something that makes us feel less than attractive. I thought puberty would be the death of me. But I got over it. I thought I would have a face scarred with acne for my entire life. But I am keeping those zits at bay. I thought my stomach would never ever snap back. But slowly and surely and with a lot of gym time, I am getting back to me. So, the lesson I seem to keep on learning is beauty is an ever evolving thing. And it is easy to get down on myself and wish I did not have to deal with zits or slack stomach muscles. But each time I have been dealt with a self-esteem blowing situation, I rose above, found a way to cope, moved on. And I became stronger and my skin became thicker and I learned I have a capable soul. And that’s beautiful.

- Sarah

As a girl who anxiously awaited “adulthood” so that the worries of acne could disappear, only to discover that line of thought is horribly untrue, I can completely relate.

The Beautiful Project: More definitions of beautiful, posted on Thursdays. Send me your answer to “what makes you feel beautiful” to natalie at thebobbypin.com.