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I saw this picture when I was uploading our date night photos -- and remembered pulling, er squeezing, on those jeans. And realized I wasn't looking quite the same. Face is rounder. I hate the way my neck pokes out like that and my posture is so awful. I hate that I totally have a gut.
I asked husband if he'd seen it and gave him permission to be honest. He was. He said he had.
Yay for honest husbands. Who placed that I asked that question on his "gchat" status the next day. Er, not yay. Opposite of yay.
"The problem is honey, you eat everything in sight," Husband said in the kindest way possible.
But he's a good man and as the cliche saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Conclusion: I've gained weight.
Look, I know I'm not obese, but the thing that drives me crazy is that I don't even look like me to me.
Look, I know I'm not obese, but the thing that drives me crazy is that I don't even look like me to me.
I went off Topamax, my migraine medication, recently, and I didn't realize how much of an impact it makes on my ability to retain the food I eat. Apparently it does. I may go back on it after the GMAT -- the medication just makes me feel so spaced out. I get migraines at least once a week and sometimes twice. But I don't want to just take a drug that makes me lose weight, and husband says I don't seem so ditzy lately. So its a tossup.
I'm going to start tracking in SparkPeople. It tells me to eat 1,200 calories a day. Which after I started tracking for a few days, I realized that leaves no room for ice cream with all the other things I manage to eat.
But you don't understand, I really really really like ice cream. It makes me feel better after a bad day. Some people drink alcohol, I have chocolate chip cookie dough. That would be the other problem. I totally self medicate any sad feelings by eating. Ice cream is my euphoria but several other foods get into the mix as well, and 25 pounds later...
But you don't understand, I really really really like ice cream. It makes me feel better after a bad day. Some people drink alcohol, I have chocolate chip cookie dough. That would be the other problem. I totally self medicate any sad feelings by eating. Ice cream is my euphoria but several other foods get into the mix as well, and 25 pounds later...
I like the charts on SparkPeople, that it evaluates you at the end of the day and tells you to eat less carbs tomorrow. I like that its free. Not exactly user friendly -- though there is an iphone app apparently that might make things easier, if I had an iphone. Its also really slow on my work computer, but what can you do? (answer: work instead of SparkPeople it up)
See this spike below? That's when I realized that eating a bacon covered pork loin and a cheeseburger in the same night was a bad idea. One was for dinner and one was at a Young Womens activity. But I didn't really think about it until I entered it in. I was congratulating myself for staying away from the Chips Ahoy and Ding Dongs.
So, that's my plan and I'm sticking to it. These thoughts might be kind of random, weight is a tuffy, awkward issue to talk about, isn't it?
13 comments:
The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking, "actually - for the first time ever I feel pretty pleased with my weight." And then I saw the picture and thought, "whoa - I would NEVER, even at my thinnest, fit in Natalie's jeans!!"
Isn't that so funny/sad how we're like that? We're all cheerful about victories until you compare it to someone else.
Long post to say - you're still a babe. Wish I fit in those jeans. :)
Yay for the Hub to actually tell the truth. So many men would just run away screaming. Matthew and I had the same conversation after we got married, and he told the truth too...we both gained. And if that is you chunked up, do you disappear when you're at your goal weight????
When I looked at that picture without reading what the blog was about, my first thought was "those shoes are HOT! Especially with those skinny jeans!"
Then I saw that the post was about how you don't feel like yourself because you've gained weight and I thought aww boo natalie, you are so pretty, I am sad you are feeling this way.
I am all about being healthy, but 1200 calories a day seems like a SERIOUSLY restricted diet.
I say if the ice cream makes you happy, keep eating the ice cream. Life is too short to do away with things that make you happy.
But then, do what you gotta do if not feeling comfy in your body is also impeding on your happiness!
That was a very rambly post to say that you are beautiful Natalie and always rock whatever clothes you are wearing, and couldn't look fat if you tried.
I just want to comment that men face this problem too. Not the same way, but I am skinny everywhere but my gut. I look ridiculous if I am not fully clothed to cover it up. I know there is 10Xs the pressure on women, and that is sad, but there should be pressure on men and women to be healthy. Weight is a sign of physical and mental health. If I am skinny with a protruding belly, then that probably means I am not taking care of myself. (p.s. thanks to Aaron B. for keeping me going to the gym and running. I already see results)
Weight and body image are tough subjects. Tough enough to fill an 80-page white paper thesis, eh? Weight aside, managing eating is even tougher. Even when I fit into my skinny jeans I still know I should be treating my body better and not filling it with nutrient-weak foods. But ice cream's so yummy!!!! I'm addicted cheese the way you're addicted to ice cream. Mmmm...gooey, warm melted cheese bread. I think if that's the worst we're addicted to we're doing pretty good! So you're my hero for taking your nutrition to the next step of awesome and not settling for average. Good luck!
1200 calories a day is what people should be eating (unless a doctor says otherwise) and moderation is key. Have your ice cream but have it on the days you don't have burgers and bacon. And don't eat a whole pint. You just need lessen the portion size and the calories will drop too.
Logging things really helped me put what I ate into perspective. Writing down everything I put in my mouth for the day made me realize that I was totally overeating... and I wasn't even hungry! I was stressed, sad, lonely, upset, bored, etc. So I started to gauge how hungry I was when I was about to eat. If I wasn't hungry I'd put the food back down, step away and do something to take my mind off food.
On the other hand, if you want to eat more calories (i.e. more ice cream) just up the exercise! Burn the extra calories. I'm going to start walking (and eventually running) again with the babe on Saturday mornings at Lake Murray if you want to join... email me :)
Oh, and if you want a partner in your journey to a better you I could totally be your buddy. I find that support in numbers always helps me loose or tone (hence the Weight Watchers). Love ya!
great heels...what kind??
I've been in your heels for about three years now. Except my medication makes me RETAIN my weight. Ugh. I think you're still a babe but it is important to feel good about yourself. I'm not obese either, but I am at a weight where I don't feel good about myself. So, I've been doing weight watchers, it's a point system. That way, if I WANT icecream or onion rings or whatev, I eat them, I just eat really low cal stuff that day too. It works for me. Good luck sweetie and take it slow!
Didn't you blog about those hot shoes?
And obviously I know a little something about having those honest conversations about appearance with the hubs. Go you for being able to take his opinions without freaking out about it!
That "suggestion" function on SparkPeople sounds really cool! I'm not interested in switching over, but I might check it out so I can recommend it to my readers as well!
P.S. It's true ... the shoes are HOT!
Oh Nats, you look great! I know you think I am just saying that, but YOU DO, YOU REALLY DO, and I am NOT just saying it!! Tyler and I recently had this conversation, and he was honest as well. I don't know why I ask, because it's not like I don't already know the answer when my favorite jeans don't fit anymore...lol! I have been battling a 7 pound weight gain since November, and I don't have Topamax to blame for it! Oh well, someday I will be inspired to lose the dang weight, but those chocolate chip cookies were just so delicious that I had earlier...why would I deny myself that pleasure?!! See, I'm just NOT inspired yet...lol!! I am going to check that web site out, thanks for sharing it!
Thanks all!
I did blog about the shoes - they are a Jessica Simpson gladiator heel from Nordstrom - and have since been returned. I thought I would try them out and I couldn't walk.
Danielle, thanks for your advice!
FYI Weight Watchers is pretty amazing. Oh and I saw those shoes at Nordstrom's rack for $25. If there is one close by to you and a little piece of your heart is still set on them, you should get them. They are super hot on you!
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