The first Sunday of each month at a LDS church is "fast and testimony meeting." Members are instructed to fast for two meals before attending, and after the sacrament is passed, the meeting is open for anyone to speak.
Sometimes this means some interesting times. I do believe at some point in the past two years my ward has been chastised by a Seventh Day Adventist. From our own pulpit. Awesome day. And of course there are good, uplifting moments too.
Today somehow I felt as though I should speak. The words were in my head. But when I went up there, I totally bombed it. My voice was shaky, my speech was slow, unsure.
The nerves turned into anxiety and I'm still shaking. I've heard it said, "if you can speak in church, you can speak anywhere." I guess I'm not there yet.
The nerves turned into anxiety and I'm still shaking. I've heard it said, "if you can speak in church, you can speak anywhere." I guess I'm not there yet.
What I wanted to say is that I've been thinking about why I am Mormon lately. I've been thinking about why the heck I'm religious.
Why, when I believe in equality of the sexes, do I attend a church in which that is not consistently present? Or why, when I have been insulted and offended by church leaders, do I continue to return each week? The whole Prop 8 debacle, if I even dare bring it up. Despite me missing the past two weeks of Sunday school because I just didn't want to debate Eve's roll in the Fall.
It comes down to the inability to deny it. And the strength that I have within because of it.
That I believe in the truth of the teachings and that I can look past the imperfections, as I hope that others can do with me.
I am healthier, stronger mentally by not partaking in substances (I think I would make a horribly drunk). I know He answers my prayers. My beliefs keep my marriage strong, as a friend in my MBA cohort noted one day, because we're both working for the same thing, with the same idea of what marriage is.
For others, their life works just fine. But for me, this works. It has built my character and built me into a stonger person - even if I have reservations about some things, globally I am sustained in faith.
But should it all came to an end, and my beliefs in eternity are not quite true, I will be OK. Because I lived with hope. And happiness.
That's what I meant to say. If only I was a speaker not a writer.
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